Category: In Mona’s Mind

Ill-at-ease

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I hear that my presence puts people ill-at-ease. I certainly do not try to do this, in fact in most social settings I am uncomfortable myself. I have never been one who “shines” in public settings, nor have I made friends easily. I am shy and awkward around new people (and people I have known awhile). So what is it about me that puts people off?

I have always believed that the reason was because I was plain, clumsy, loud, and fat; All the things my mother tried to correct in me growing up. When I was older and made real friends who saw past all of that, they could only tell me that it was because I scare people, although they couldn’t really explain how because they usually had the same effect on others (probably why we became friends). It wasn’t until I started really focusing on and working on my spirituality that some understanding started to show itself.

Since opening the store, and dealing with the public on a daily basis in the spiritual realm, I have discovered more about myself and my abilities. I am an “opener” or “Gatekeeper”. I open up people’s minds and hearts to the possibility of more in life. People do not wonder into my store unless they are curious enough to want to know, or ready to move forward and grow in their own path. I let them know that the thoughts, wants, and hopes that they have experienced all of their lives are real and possible. They are drawn to my store, and to me, although they may not understand why at first. But what about the ones who are ill-at-ease?

I, my store, my mission, and all those who are part of the community we have here scare those who are not ready for spiritual growth. They are either too comfortable with what is, or too scared of what others will think to move forward to a life of harmony and balance. We represent embracing being different, or going against the grain and happiness in that. We represent standing for what you believe, and fighting for what is right and still finding strength to do it over and over again even when I get knocked down. We represent free-thinking and mind-boggling concepts which threatening to disrupt and disturb and re-teach their lessons of yesterday. They are not scared of me personally, but rather they fear what I (we) represent.

I, however, refuse to change who I am and what I believe to make them feel more comfortable!

Rose-Colored Glasses

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I got told one time that I view the world through rose-colored glasses. I didn’t take offense to it, because it is true. I do try to have a positive outlook on the world around me. I was, however, hurt by the way they said it. The words spoken to me as if I was just naive and “unworldly”, or that I was living in some delusional fairy tale world full of rainbows and unicorns. I am far from delusional and have been around the block a time or two.

I know how the world operates, and how people treat other beings badly. I have cried my fair share of tears in this lifetime, so I am familiar with the negativity and ugliness that exist in the world. I just choose to look for the positive in situations, I choose to believe in the goodness of others, I choose to imagine a world that people look after each other and attempt to wish it into being.

I love too much. I trust too blindly. I help too often. These things often backfire on me, and I get hurt in the process, but I refuse to give them up. What if me loving deeply allows someone to learn to love themselves? What if me trusting someone allows them to believe in a better version of themselves? What if my helping someone with a little thing allows someone to receive help they desperately need in a life or death situation? I refuse to give these things up, because even though I may not see the change, or benefit from the change, I could be the change. This world needs change.

And I feel good in rose-colored glasses!