This seems to be a theme that keeps coming up for me; the universe’s not-so-subtle way of telling me that I need to learn the lesson!
We have had a wild two years, jammed full or high ups and very low downs. As I look back on now, after everything I have learned from the people who have entered and left my life, I have come to realize, I created all of it. I was the on who orchestrated the entire journey, both good and bad.
So I have to ask myself… If I created it, why did I add in the bad parts, why suffer through the hurt, pain, and sadness? Simple answer, fear!
I had fears that I was unable to conquer or refused to face at those times. I feared I was not good enough, that I could not make it by myself, that I would fail, that I was not strong enough. I also feared what others would think of me, how they would respond to me, or how they would treat me. The truth of the matter is, I allowed the fear of what could be to change my choices and thereby change the future in which I created.
A young lady I know posted a meme today that said, “Pain changes a person”. Pain is just an emotion, it nor any other emotion can not change anything. What happens is we allow the fear of pain to motivate us to change who we are in the hopes that we will not be hurt again. Problem is, there will always be pain,
There will always be some sort of emotion that we do not want to feel in our life, be it hurt, pain, sadness, loneliness, even failure. They will always be right around the corner; it’s the human experience. However, we have a choice in how we approach them. We can either choose to fear them, allow ourselves to be motivated to change who we are and how we react to the situation and our world; Or we can face those emotions and the fear head on, allow ourselves to live through the situation, embrace and feel the emotions, take lessons from them that will make us stronger, and then choose to release the effects of them that are not beneficial to us.
Looking back on the last two years, and even the rest of my life, I can point out so many times that I allowed fear to motivate me into changing how I reacted to situations and to people. It could have changed my life in so many ways had I faced fear at those times, but that in itself is fear or what-could-have-been, and I am more than satisfied and overjoyed with my life and the people who are in it.
It is regrettable that it has taken me so long to learn the lesson, but one thing is for certain… I will no longer allow fear to motivate me to change my actions or reactions any longer!
I hear that my presence puts people ill-at-ease. I certainly do not try to do this, in fact in most social settings I am uncomfortable myself. I have never been one who “shines” in public settings, nor have I made friends easily. I am shy and awkward around new people (and people I have known awhile). So what is it about me that puts people off?
I have always believed that the reason was because I was plain, clumsy, loud, and fat; All the things my mother tried to correct in me growing up. When I was older and made real friends who saw past all of that, they could only tell me that it was because I scare people, although they couldn’t really explain how because they usually had the same effect on others (probably why we became friends). It wasn’t until I started really focusing on and working on my spirituality that some understanding started to show itself.
Since opening the store, and dealing with the public on a daily basis in the spiritual realm, I have discovered more about myself and my abilities. I am an “opener” or “Gatekeeper”. I open up people’s minds and hearts to the possibility of more in life. People do not wonder into my store unless they are curious enough to want to know, or ready to move forward and grow in their own path. I let them know that the thoughts, wants, and hopes that they have experienced all of their lives are real and possible. They are drawn to my store, and to me, although they may not understand why at first. But what about the ones who are ill-at-ease?
I, my store, my mission, and all those who are part of the community we have here scare those who are not ready for spiritual growth. They are either too comfortable with what is, or too scared of what others will think to move forward to a life of harmony and balance. We represent embracing being different, or going against the grain and happiness in that. We represent standing for what you believe, and fighting for what is right and still finding strength to do it over and over again even when I get knocked down. We represent free-thinking and mind-boggling concepts which threatening to disrupt and disturb and re-teach their lessons of yesterday. They are not scared of me personally, but rather they fear what I (we) represent.
I, however, refuse to change who I am and what I believe to make them feel more comfortable!
I got told one time that I view the world through rose-colored glasses. I didn’t take offense to it, because it is true. I do try to have a positive outlook on the world around me. I was, however, hurt by the way they said it. The words spoken to me as if I was just naive and “unworldly”, or that I was living in some delusional fairy tale world full of rainbows and unicorns. I am far from delusional and have been around the block a time or two.
I know how the world operates, and how people treat other beings badly. I have cried my fair share of tears in this lifetime, so I am familiar with the negativity and ugliness that exist in the world. I just choose to look for the positive in situations, I choose to believe in the goodness of others, I choose to imagine a world that people look after each other and attempt to wish it into being.
I love too much. I trust too blindly. I help too often. These things often backfire on me, and I get hurt in the process, but I refuse to give them up. What if me loving deeply allows someone to learn to love themselves? What if me trusting someone allows them to believe in a better version of themselves? What if my helping someone with a little thing allows someone to receive help they desperately need in a life or death situation? I refuse to give these things up, because even though I may not see the change, or benefit from the change, I could be the change. This world needs change.
And I feel good in rose-colored glasses!